At Equal Community Foundation, our journey began in 2009 with a mission: to raise boys in India to be gender equitable. We believe men can be part of the solution to creating an equal society. Why? Because deeply ingrained attitudes can change, and that’s what we have been working on for the past 14 years. 

Our commitment to Sexual and Reproductive Health and Rights (SRHR) goes beyond basic health rights and education; it is about fostering environments where consent and mutual respect are deeply ingrained in every interaction.

This year, as we join the global observance of World Sexual Health Day and Sexual Health Awareness Month in September, led by the World Association for Sexual Health (WAS), our campaign #ConsentSeRishta takes centre stage under the theme “Positive Relationships. We chose #ConsentSeRishta to focus on the critical role consent plays in building and maintaining healthy, respectful relationships. Consent is a fundamental pillar of positive, equitable interactions that support emotional and psychological well-being. 

Our Action for Equality – Gender Transformative programme is designed to work with boys aged 13-17. We equip them with the knowledge, skills, and peer support to challenge gender norms, change their behaviour, and advocate for equality in their families and communities. “Not every man is part of the problem, but every man can be part of the solution.” Gender equality has often been discussed from a woman’s perspective, but we want boys to realise that it is also their issue.

Why is #ConsentSeRishta so crucial?

Consent means more than just saying “yes” or “no.” It goes beyond a simple “Yes” or “No” and involves clear communication, empathy, and mutual respect. It encompasses genuine understanding and empathy, creating a culture where every individual’s voice is heard and valued. By prioritising consent, we challenge harmful norms and practices, promoting mutual respect across all relationships. Our Gender Transformative Programme integrates this ethos, working with adolescent boys and girls to promote respect across all genders and relationships.

Through our programme, we have started conversations about gender, masculinity, violence, and consent in schools. Yet, there is a significant gap. Parents often tell their daughters to be careful and protect themselves, but when are we going to teach our boys about boundaries and respecting them??

Take, for instance, the tragic recent rape case in Kolkata. Not just this one—there are countless incidents happening around us, many of which we remain unaware of. These issues touch various layers of our society, and numerous cases are still unresolved. Constant cases of rape flood our headlines every day, a grim reality reflected in our newspapers. We see it, we read it, but do we truly understand the depth of the issue? 

These are not just horrific events, but a stark reminder of the urgency to work on prevention. Many boys grow up influenced by peer pressure and hidden messages about relationships, without ever learning about healthy boundaries and consent. Boys are taught biology but not reproductive rights. Conversations about safe and unsafe touch, respect, and emotional intelligence are often sidelined. These are not just lessons for our girls; we need to bring these discussions into our boys’ daily lives too.

For this decade-long journey, we have been dedicated to building a gender-equitable future by consistently applying a gender lens in all that we do. But what does it mean to look at the world through a gender lens? It means challenging the norms that we have often accepted without question. It means asking, “Is this fair to both girls and boys?” Are we truly giving equal opportunities to both boys and girls? This is the lens we need to develop, and it starts with everyday situations like those we discuss with adolescents.

Take one of our case scenarios (evaluated using the Gender Attitude Survey form, which serves as one of the tools in our assessment process ): Roshni is 16, and her brother Arun is 15. They have two younger sisters, aged 2 and 4. Their mother, who used to manage the house, is now bedridden. She tells Roshni to stay home to take care of the house and the younger siblings while Arun focuses on his studies. “Roshni ki padhaai aur aazaadi cheen li gayi,” (Roshni’s education and freedom were taken away) remarked one participant during our session. He questioned, “Why isn’t Arun asked to help? Isn’t it also his responsibility to care for the family?” This is exactly the kind of gender lens we aim to cultivate — one that recognises the unfair burden placed on girls and challenges the idea that household chores are only for women.

Consider another case we often discuss: Gauri likes wearing jeans, skirts, and dresses. Every time she walks down the street, boys whistle and tease her. When she complains, her neighbours blame her, saying it is her clothing that invites this behaviour. “Ye Gauri ki galti hai?” (Is this Gauri’s fault?) they ask. No, it is not. The fault lies with the boys’ attitudes, not Gauri’s clothing.  Gauri has the right to dress how she pleases and to walk freely without fear of harassment. But how many times do we question the boys who engage in this behaviour? It is crucial that boys understand what constitutes violence and the violation of rights. This awareness is essential for preventing harmful behaviours and exercising respect for everyone’s rights. Our conversations go beyond just one-off examples; they aim to address the larger issue of “hush-hush” topics in our society. Menstruation, sexuality, sex, — these are words we often avoid. Parents hesitate to discuss these with their children, leaving them uninformed and vulnerable. Until we start having these conversations within our own four walls, nothing will change in the outside world. This change begins with us — I, you, all of us.

These situations reflect larger societal issues like male chauvinism and peer pressure. When young boys grow up without understanding healthy boundaries or respecting consent, they fall into patterns of chasing love and dominance in relationships, sometimes leading to extreme cases like the Kolkata rape case. How do we stop this? By working on prevention, and that is exactly what we at Equal Community Foundation focus on — developing empathy, consent, and respect among boys, starting at a young age.

It is crucial to address the harmful cycle of patriarchy that teaches boys to dominate and protect, instead of to support and understand. When boys are raised to believe that they have the right to control or possess, the line between “love” and “force” becomes blurred. Consent is key in any relationship, and it is not something that should only be taught to girls. Boys too need to learn about boundaries, mutual respect, and saying no. In teenage relationships, where peer pressure is high and fantasies about love can get skewed, boys need to understand that real love comes with support, understanding, and mutual consent, not dominance or protection.

With a decade long experience we have seen impact in terms of attitudes and behaviours. This change requires constant open, honest conversations with boys. We often hear things like “Ladke toh ladke hote hain” (“Boys will be boys”) and “Mard ban, control kar” (“Be a man, take control”) create toxic ideas of masculinity that harm everyone. Instead, we should teach our boys that respect and equality are the foundation of any relationship. We need to shift this mindset—one that promotes traditional, rigid notions of masculinity—to one that encourages sensitivity, empathy, and respect. This mindset shift involves redefining masculinity to support healthier, more equitable interactions and relationships. 

Creating safe spaces is essential. With the #ConsentSeRishta campaign, we aim to shift these conversations into the mainstream and build a world where every individual, regardless of gender, can live with dignity and respect. Consent is not just a lesson; it is a life skill. We need to teach our boys about respecting boundaries, dealing with rejection, and navigating relationships with empathy. Only when we teach our children to respect one another, can we truly bring about equality.

 

Urasmita Ghosh, Communications Associate, Equal Community Foundation